Attitude Towards Friends

Posted 2020-07-03 天涯柠檬

w5d5 

Today, I chat with my friend Zhu Zhu about my observation to those who study overseas. During our talk, I asked him why most friends replied me less than the time when they were back in China. It seems all of them are busy, and even don‘t wish to answer me anymore, which let me feel they are mean. Here is our chat log and some of these answers show my attitude towards friends :

 

J: I find those friends who have been to  study overseas have sth in common. After they went abroad, most of them are busy all the time, with big pressure. Before they went to study abroad, they are open, talkative and sometimes with humor. But now they are almost mean. All in all, what they did let me feel I am stupic to talk to them so much.

 

Z:  That‘s right.The person who wants to improve may feel many talks have no sense. It‘s much less meaning than what you do. (talents has their own special personalities). But why do they need to tell you?

J: I wish to get to know about their news and lives.

Z: Does it can help them improve? 

J: As I treat them as friends, I think it‘s normal to chat with friends and share ideas with each other.

Z: But the first thing in everyone‘s mind is himself/herself, which you cannot deny. Meanwhile, you are not the one under big pressure. So you still have energy to care about others.

J: err... Maybe, but I believe life is a process about to understand others and to be understood by others. I chase such kind of mutual understanding. And because of communication, we could sove some problems, either for those mental problems, or for those practical problems in life. 

Z: But it‘s your belief, not theirs. Can the problems be solved by this ? Some of those problems may could be solved, but you still cannot help to solve most of them. For example, if they chat with you, it will cost their more time to finish the study.

J: Yes, I think you‘re  right. They think I couldn‘t sove their problems, and they just wish to solve their problems by themselves.

Z: And others who don‘t talk, may be forward at that time. So those may get more scores than your friends. 

J: But maybe they‘re to practical and mean, I think. You know, life with huge pressure and without happiness and enjoy is not my purpose of life.

Z:   I hope you could keep that purpose. It‘s awesome, but hard to keep. 

J: Don‘t worry about me. I have my own life style and work style. I wouldn‘t let their treat for me affect my feelings and life style, thank you anyway.

Z: OK, that would be great!

J: Last night, I was just thinking, they would pay too much for their tuition (about 300,000RMB each year), so that‘s why they have so much preassure.  

Z: That‘s one reason. 

J: But anyway, I don‘t think overpreassure will do good to their career or future life.

Z: May I ask a question, which would annoy you in a general way?

J: For now, I cannot stand a life without balance, like balance of work, study, exercise, friendship, etc.

Z: What do you mean by that?

J: I am ok if I don‘t work or study for one day, but losing control of my life is just pretty annoying for me.

Z: There‘s some point that I am confused at. As we are not the God, not the person who controls the life, not the perfect man, how can we judge the values? For what reason can let us to judge the values?

J: Judge your own values or other body‘s.

Z: Both.

J: Firstly, I would never like to judge other body‘s life. Because I tried before, and met with big failures. Also, it‘s very hard, and ever harder than to get a master degree. If those people keep themselves under overpressure all the time, the preasure will just destroy them.From what I saw and felt from those "friends"(if they think I am their friends,too), I got that conclusion. By the way, I don‘t think I am absolutely right. I just believe that for myself. You could hold your own idea. 

Z: So there is no absolute right or wrong, what‘s the meaning on caring about others. I am really confused on this. 

J: Just for sharing life experience or making friends.

Z: So if they are destroyed, can you still be their friends?

J: I don‘t think friend is a tool, and could get rid of it if they are useless anymore. Of course, I can be their friend, regardless of their reputation and achievements.

Z: What‘s friends?

J: Friend is just friend. The simplest way, in my opinion. Maybe there are some different explanations in the philosophy, but I don‘t care about such explanations i theoretical version a lot. 

Z: Ok, that will be great. Awesome! Try to keep it!

J: Thank you.

Z: Because there are so much people like to judge my value, or even interfere with my life, so I am really confused about that.

J: Oh, that‘s their problems, not yours. You should know that. 

Z: Maybe, I don‘t blame on them. I am just curious. 

J: What you should do is just to be yourself and do not let them distract you and let them understand that the original you inside your body is the best version you could be. You cannot be somebody else other than you yourself.

Z: OK. that‘s also what I agree for now.

J: And sometime, other people do not want you to be so different, or they cannot stand it. But about being yourself, I don‘t mean you are the best version already. You still need to improve yourself and to be a better "me". What what makes it different is, you need to improve in your own way.

Z: What‘s best? I don‘t think the best exists. There only exists the most suitable or the most characteristic.

J: Yes, no best exists. But as the Olympic slogan says, "Higher, Faster, Stronger". There‘s always room to improve, and we need to find it. And also, all of us have stereotype(don‘t include those positive persistence), we need to get rid of it. For now, I am not the persistence for the truth. I just want to experience of life. And to see the difference of different people. Because by comparison, I could make a better choice.

Z: And I think I can chase for Science, because it‘s  most close to the truth. Or abilities which is more useful.

J: Yes, absolutely. Glad you could get this point. 

Z: I just got this point.

J: Sometimes action speaks louder than words, sometimes words does more good than actions.

Z: Yes, it just depends on the situation.

J: Correct.

 

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Thank you and good luck, everybody!

Jack

From Shanghai