July 10th 2017 Week 28th Monday

Posted 2020-10-08 waitingdeng

I get that look a lot, but I never let it get to me.

我常常受到异样的目光，但我从不把它们放在眼里。

I don‘t feel good these days, it just seems I would never get the favour of the Heaven, and all of my work wasn‘t rewarded, even some little expectations turned out to be in vain.

It is impossible to conquer such terrible feelings, and to convince myself that I can be successful in the coming future.

Never, never, even if I don‘t give up, the result will be no difference.

Every time I was asked how many salaries I was paid for my work, I was reluctant to give others the accurate number, because I think it didn‘t match with my age, my knowledge, my painful efforts.

Maybe I just pretend to be a hard worker, pretend to be a struggler.

Depression always begins with disappointments, when these disappointments fester in my soul, it is no strange that I become more and more discourageous.

Continuous failures, one by one, put me onto a speeding treadmill of dissatisfaction, and discouragement.

I think I need to lift myself up again, because being involved in such conditions, if I can‘t get out, there must be more and more frustrations, disappointments, and aggravation.

 

Marriage is a great institution, but I am not ready for an institution yet.

婚姻是一所很好的学校，但我还没准备好上学呢。

From Mae West.

Some experts said that marriage can teach the couple, especially the husband, a lot of things, like responsiblity, skills of effective communication, tolerance, and so on.

I couldn‘t agree any more. 

I had married before, and that marriage finally broke up, due to my immature behaviours and words.

But I have learned a lot from my ex-wife, at least I know what I was wrong in dealing with my previous relationship.

Maybe it isn‘t a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriage.

Three years have passed, I don‘t know whether I have been ready to be involved in a new relationship.