公主日记英文剧本

Posted 2020-06-13

The princess’s diary

HELEN: Time for school! Stop daydreaming. You’ll be late for school.

(Sings): sometimes I have dreams. I picture myself flying. Though the cloud hang in the sky conquering the world with my magic piano. Never being scared .but then I realize. I’m super girl, and I’m here to save the world, but I wanna to know who is gonna save me?

MIA: Hey, Louie. Come on. It’s time to go to school.

HELEN: are you feeling confident?

MIA: Not really.

HELEN: Ok, now just remember, when you make your speech, don’t look at the people. Pick a spot on the back wall; don’t take your eyes off of it and speak loudly.

MIA: thanks, mom, bye, mom

HELEN: good luck.

MIA: Good morning, Buttons.

Man: be nice, Buttons.

MIA: sorry, Mr. Robutusen. Have a nice day.

Robutusen: I doubt it.

 

CHEERLEADERS: Hey, there, ho there. How do you do? This is Grove Lions sayin‘ hi to you. Go Lions!

ANNA: Josh! What are you doing on? He’s such a show-off.

Miss Gupta: Josh, off the wall, please. Come on. You know better than that.

MIA: Good morning, Miss Gupta.

Miss Guptor: morning, Lilly...Lilly‘s friend.

 

Man: you know, as manager of the team, I really think you should be a part of the team. Oh, I‘m sorry, I didn‘t see you. I was thinking...

MIA: Somebody sat on me again.

Lilly: really?

MIA: yeah. I don’t know what happened. I was just sitting there; working on my speech...It‘s really a dumb class--

Lilly: Jerk and jerkette sighting.

MIA: Hmm?

(Sings): Soft kisses on a summer‘s day laughing all our cares away. And dream of you…

Lilly: You never saw two idiots exchange saliva before?

MIA: oh, Yeah.They are so rude.

Lilly: Good .You know, for a second there I thought you were going A-crowd on me.

MIA: Oh, heh.Negative.

LILLY: Ready for debate?

MIA: I‘m never ready for debate.

 

BOY: Go, Josh!

Josh: so this is not a debate. This is a control issue, Grove controls our minds with what they teach us, but you know what? They’re not satisfied with that. I think grove should dump the uniforms and we have casual dress all yeas round!

MR.O‘CONNELL: All right, all right. OK, girls, settle down. Settle down. This is a debate, and after it‘s over, I want you back in your school uniform.

JOSH: Hey, boss, whatever you say.

O‘CONNELL: ok, down, down, make your point. Ok, so, now we‘ve all heard from Josh Bryant for the affirmative... I love that sound.

MIA: What‘s my point again?

LILLY: You like our uniforms. They‘re equalizers.

O‘CHNNELL: Now we‘ll hear the rebuttal from Mia Thermopolis who will present the negative argument against our proposition.

GIRL: Come on, MIA!

MIA: um...I think...um...

FONTANA: What a frizz-ball.

ANNA: Look at her hair.

BOY: We‘re waiting. Say something!

MIA: See, casual...uh...

GIRL: Are you OK? She’s gonna barf. Oh, God! She’s gonna hurl! Cover the rumba!

 

MANAGER: MIA! Finish up with Mrs.Taubman and then you can take a break.

WOMAN: Another huge tip from Mrs Hersh.

MIA: I got one from Mrs. Taubman. We‘re doing all right today.

MAN: Mr.Walsh‘s ropes are twisted. Stop twisting! You’ll strangle yourself!

MIA: hi, mom.

HELEN: YOU threw up, huh? And you run away.

MIA: I’m trying to forget about it. Can I have some shoes and chalk, please?

HELEN: Anyway, I‘ll go talk to your debate teacher. What’s his name? Mr.O‘CONNELL.And straighten it all out.

MIA: Mom, I am never going to be a good public speaker. Just call him and tell him I want to be a mime.

HELEN: I can do that. Oh, your grandmother called.

MIA: What?

HELEN:  The live one who lives in Genovia, Clarisse.

MIA: This is the first time she‘s ever contacted us. What‘d she want?

HELLEN: She‘s in town. She wants to have tea.

MIA: Tea? She came all the way from Europe to have tea?

HELEN; I think I‘m gonna climb a little bit.

MIA: Isn‘t this the grandmother who made you get a divorce?

HELEN: Well, she didn‘t approve of me, but Phillip and I made the decision to divorce on our own.

MIA: Why should I go see this snobby lady who ignores us?

HELEN: MIA, she’s your father‘s mother. Just go see her tomorrow. Please?

Woman: Tension.

HELEN: She said your father hoped that you two would meet someday.

MIA: All right, I‘ll go.

 

TEACHER: Ok, I win. Band practice is over. I have a music class here. Out! Let’s have the third group try” Catch a Falling."

MIA: Charles, you want to be in the front?

LILLY: Are you sure you can help me with my Spotted Owl petition today?

MIA: not today. I’m meeting my grandmother after school.

LILLY: oh, all right

(Sings): Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Never let it fade away. Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day .For love may come and tap you on the shoulder. Some starless night...

SPEAKER: School tours are on Saturday, young lady.

MIA: I’m here for a meeting with my grandmother.

SPEAKER: NAME?

MIA: Clarisse 

SPEAKER: Oh. Please come to the front door.

MIA: thank you very much.

JOE: Welcome, Miss Thermopolis. We’ve been expecting you.

MIA: Oh, be careful. Please don‘t crush my soy nuts.

SPEAKER: Your soy nuts are safe.

JOE: Right this way...Please, make yourself comfortable.

CHARLOTTE: ...for their daughter Marissa. She’s allergic to peanuts. And we need new pillows for the prime minister‘s wife. She’s allergic to goose feathers. Hello, Amelia. I’m Charlotte, from the Geneva attaché corps.

MIA: Hi. It‘s nice to meet you. Um, where am I?

CHARLOTTE: The Genovian Consulate.

MIA: You‘ve got pears in your flowers.

CHARLOTTE: Genovian pears. We‘re famous for them. Now, if you‘ll sit down, she’ll be with you in a moment.

Clarisse: No, I don‘t need a moment. I‘m here. Amelia, I‘m so glad you could come.

MIA: hi, you’ve got a great place.

Clarisse: Thank you. Well, let me look at you. You look so...young.

MIA: Thank you and you look so...clean.

Clarisse: Charlotte, would you check on tea in the garden? Please, sit.

MIA: WO, my mom said you wanted to talk to me about something. Shoot.

Classis: oh, before I "shoot" I have something I want to give you. Here.

MIA: oh, um, thank you

Classis: it’s the Genovian crest. It was mine when I was young. And that was my great-grandmother‘s.

MIA: heh. I‘ll keep this safe. I will take good care of it. Now, what did you want to tell me?

Clariss: something that I think will have a very big impact upon your life.

MIA: I already had braces.

Clarisse: No, it‘s bigger than orthodontia.

chalotte: The tea is served, ma‘am.

Clarisse: Amelia, have you ever heard of Edward Christoff Phillipe Gerard Renaldi?

MIA: no.

Classis: he was the crown prince of Genovia.

MIA: um, what about him?

Clariss: Eduard Christoff Phillipe Gerard Renaldi was your father.

MIA: Yeah, sure. My father was the prince of Genovia. Uh-huh. You‘re joking.

Clariss: Why would I joke about something like that?

MIA: No! Because if he‘s really a prince, then I...

Clariss: Exactly. You‘re not just Amelia Thermopolis. You are Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi Princess of Genovia.

MIA: Me? A princess? Shut up!

Clariss: I beg your pardon? Shut up?

SERVENT: Your Majesty, in America it doesn‘t always mean "Be quiet." Here it could mean "Wow, GEE whis, Golly"--

Clariss: oh, I understand. Thank you. Nevertheless, you are the princess. And I am Queen Clarisse Renaldi.

MIA: Why on earth would you pick me to be your princess?

Clariss: since your father died, you are the natural heir to the throne of Genovia. That‘s our law. I‘m royal by marriage. You are royal by blood. You can rule.

MIA: Rule? Oh, no.Now you have really got the wrong girl. I never lead anybody not at Brownies, not at Camp Fire Girls...Queen Clarisse, my expectation in life is to be invisible, and I’m good at it.

Clariss: Amelia, I had other expectations also. In my wildest dreams I never expected this to happen. But you are the legal heir, the only heir to the Genovian throne and we will accept the challenge of helping you become the princess that you are. Oh, I can give you books. You will study languages, history, art, political science. I can teach you to walk, talk, sit, stand, eat, and dress like a princess. And, given time, I think you’ll find the palace in Genovia a very pleasant place to live.

MIA: Live in Genovia?

Clariss: It‘s a wonderful country. Amelia, really.

MIA: whoa, just--Rewind and freeze. I’m no princess. I’m still waiting for normal body parts to arrive. I refuse to move to and rule a country and --do you want another reason? I don‘t want to be a princess!

 

Clariss: oh, well, that went well, didn‘t it?

JOE: perhaps she need more time. 

Clariss: will you help me?

JOE: I’m the head of your security and you want me to be a chauffeur and baby-sitter.

Clarsse: For the time being. The child needs protection.

 

MIA: For 15 years you couldn‘t find a spare minute to tell me that my father is a royal?

HELEN: I thought I was doing the right thing.

MIA: The right thing for who, mom?

HELEN: For all of us. I mean, if we secretly divorced he would be able to find a woman who would stay by his side in Genovia and produce heirs and I would be free to live my life with you. I mean, please! We met in college! I was young! I wanted to paint. Can you see me walking one step behind someone for the rest of my life with rules and regulations and the waving and the bowing and the scraping? I was scared!

MIA: Living with a mother who lied to me for 15 years scares me.

HELEN: Where are you going?

MIA: To straighten up the royal bedchamber.

HELEN: After the divorce, we all discussed it. Your father and your grandmother both agreed to keep that distance so you would have a chance of a normal childhood free of emotional complications .We were going to tell you when you were 18 years old. But when your father died, things changed, MIA. We wanted to protect you.

MIA: ok, you know what? I don‘t feel protected. You try living for 15 years thinking that you‘re one person and then in five minutes you find out that you‘re a princess. Just in case I‘m not enough of a freak already, let‘s add a tiara!

HELEN: Well, drink your soup.

MIA: I’m not really hungry.

HELEN: Fine.Good night, sweetheart.

MIA: fat lily...you are so lucky, you don‘t know who your parents are.

 

Man: I’ve never ridden in a limo, he admitted bitterly to himself as he crossed to the open window and looked out at the bay, the fog looming like his pathetic life before him. I can‘t believe I won an Emmy.

 

HELEN: I have this favorite photo of Phillipe. We had so much fun when we were in college. He was so full of joie de verve always laughing and smiling.

Clarisse: I remember. HELEN, if Amelia refuses to accept the throne then Genovia will cease to exist as we know it.

HELEN: So the future of your country is in the hands of my 15-year-old? Here it is.

Clarisse: Phillipe was ready to be king. Then the terrible accident.

HELEN: Even though it didn‘t work out between us .I loved your son very much.

Clarisse: thank you.

 

MIA: well, as always this is as good as it‘s gonna get.

 

Clarisse: I can‘t wait until she‘s 18.

MIA: oh, this is a nightmare. I’m going back to bed.

HELEN: MIA, the three of us have to talk.

MIA: oh, ok. Is there something else about me and my life I might want to know about? Oh, no. Are you two waiting to take me on a talk show to let me know that I have a twin sister who‘s a duchess?

Clarisse: You have a cousin who‘s a countess. Fondly known as Bartholomew. Actually, we call him pookie.

HELEN: Yesterday did not go well. Will you just listen to your grandmother?

Clarisse: Amelia, in a matter of weeks we have an annual ball. I was …I am hoping that I may present you to the press and the public on that occasion. However, you desperately need some instruction. I speak for the entire Genovian parliament and the royal family.

HELEN: And I speak for this family.

MIA: Excuse me. I don’t have a family with either one of you because you ignored me for 15 years and you lied to me. Families don’t do stuff like that, ok?

Clarisse: Where is she going?

HELEN: The tower. Mia, you can’t run from everything!

Clarisse: She has a tower?

HELEN: Please? Just come down from there.

MIA: Most kids hope for a car for their 16^th birthday, not a country!

HELEN: Just make yourself comfortable. This is getting us nowhere! Talk to me.

MIA: I can’t talk to you right now. I’m late for a meeting with my guidance counselor.

Clarisse: I’m late for a meeting with Spain and Portugal.

HELEN: I have a thought. Mia promises to attend princess lessons until your ball.

Clarisse: Well, it’s not my ball. It’s Genovia’s annual Independence Day Ball.

HELEN: I’m sorry. Mia promises neither to accept nor reject your offer to be royal until this grand ball and then she makes her decision. Now, can you both live with that?

Clarisse: It seems I have no option.

MIA: If I have to.

Clarisse: But I want not one word of this until that evening. Is that understood?

MIA: Duh.

Clarisse: The press would have a field day.

HELEN: Well. Let’s not keep Spain and Portugal waiting.

 

MIA: I’ll be 16 this year and my mom traded two paintings for a 1966 Mustang. You do know what a Mustang is, right?

Clarisse: I raise mustangs. That is not a sensible car for a princess.

MIA: It isn’t sensible for anyone. It doesn’t run.

Clarisse: I suppose I could donate something to this vehicle.

MIA: Good morning, Mr. Robutusen.

Clarisse: Who is this gentleman?

MIA: Oh, he’s my neighbor but you wouldn’t want to meet him. He doesn’t have very nice manners

Clarisse: Good morning. There’s someone I want you to meet.

MIA: OK. Whoa. You have two limousines?

Clarisse: One is yours.

MIA: You raise limousines, too?

Clarisse: No. Amelia, this is Joseph.

MIA: Hi. Nice to meet you!

Man: The elegant European woman didn’t stay for tea. But the promise of tomorrow hung in the air.

Joe: Princess, May I point out that no matter how many times you push it, it will go up and down the same way.

MIA: Joseph, can we eighty-six the flags? Please?

Joe: No. The flags allow me to park anywhere. We keep the flags.

MIA: Sorry, Joseph

Joe: You can call me Joe.

 

Lilly: Did I miss something? Are we going to a wedding?

MIA: Uh, no. School. No, this is the surprise ride. This is Joe.

Lilly: Hi, it’s nice to meet you. You know you look like Shaft?

Joe: Yes. Excuse me.

MIA: You want a ride, right? 

Lilly: Yeah, totally.

MIA: Hey, I got it.

Joe: Of course.

Lilly: Ok. Oh, my word!

Joe: Please fasten your seat belts, ladies.

Lilly: Is your mother dating an undertaker?

MIA: Ur, no. This long-lost grandmother showed up and she wants me to use it.

Lilly: And?

MIA: I don’t know. I guess she’s just trying to be nice to get me like her. Hey, Joe? Can you please park a block away from school? I really don’t want to cause a riot with this hearse.

Joe: This is a non-riot hearse. And if it were a hearse, there should be silence in the back seat.

P.A.: This is a reminder. Virtual homework may not be submitted for actual credit.

Fontana: Tell me, Mia. Is it true about your speech? Are you really speaking at the Bulimic Convention?

Anna: So you can speak and barf at the same time?

 

Teacher: Good glove, Michael. Way to go. I’ll let this one go, Mia. Try catching.

MIA: Are you sure?

Teacher: it’s slow-pitch. Don’t worry about it. Now get it and throw it back to the pitcher. Come on.

MIA: I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to…Can I help you?

Teacher: Ice. Get me ice.

 

Lilly: I’m on the verge of becoming a nutcase and my parents think I need an attitude adjustment. Sorry. Yeah, so my dad wants to take me to dinner tonight just the two of us. We ran out of things to talk about when I was 8.

MIA: At least your dad’s still alive.

Lilly: Hey. I thought you’d gotten over that. It’s been two months.

MIA: But after all, he was my dad.

Lilly: Biologically, yes, but you never met the man. Just a nice card and gift on your birthday for 15 years?

MIA: Be fair. They were beautiful presents. Remember that Faberge merry-go-round he sent me? That was nice. And he paid for my school tuition.

Lilly: Yeah, I guess so.

MIA: Lilly, I gonna run. I gonna see your brother about my baby.

Lilly: Ok, but let’s take the limo tomorrow. These hills are killing me.

MIA: You got it.

 

Doc: Hello. Talk loud, I got a band rehearsing.

Michael: You’ve been listening to the sounds of Flypaper. We’re flying away now.

Doc: All right, stop yelling. They’re finished.

MIA: Hey, that’s—It’s sounding really good. You know, Ned is really wailing.

Doc: Hello, Mia.

MIA: So, what’s the diagnosis for my baby?

Doc: $400. Yeah, I know. It costs to be cool, huh?

MIA: This is not my day.

Michael: I’ll do some labor free.

MIA: Thanks, but I’ll talk to my grandma about it. It’ll be great. Anyway, I’ll see you guys later. I gonna be somewhere.

Doc: Ooh. I’ll do some labor free. Hey, you are sweet on her?

Michael: She’s my sister’s best friend!

Doc: Yeah, that’s the hardest place to be between friend and friendlier, huh?

 

(Sings :) I’m trying to find a way. I am trying to find a ride

Charlotte: Your Majesty, the diplomatic pouch has arrived and she’s here.

Clarisse: Send her in.

Charlotte: Yes, ma’am. I need more roses, red, white, mauve. Mauve! Miss Amelia, welcome. Straight ahead to your left. Her majesty is ready for you in the library.

Clarisse: Charlotte, take notes, will you? Amelia, circle slowly so I can evaluate the work to be done. Dose your bad posture affect your hearing? Well, carriage, obviously. Hairstyle. Complexion…Eyes…lovely…but hidden beneath bushman eyebrows. The neck is seemly. Ears like her father.

MIA: Really? They are?

Clarisse:  Oh, my! Who has nails like these? Tomorrow I would like to see clean fingers. And you will wear stockings. Not tights, not socks. And I never want to see those shoes again. When walking in a crowd, one is under scrutiny all the time. So we don’t shlump like this. We drop the shoulders we think tall. We tuck under and transfer the weight from one foot to another. No. Princesses never cross their legs in public. Why don’t you just tuck one ankle behind the other and place the hands gracefully on the knees. Charlotte, I think it’s time for tea.

 

MIA: Tell me, how dose my mother, really, for that matter go into a parent-teacher conference and come out with a date?

HELEN: Mia, Mr. O’Connell is not married. He’s not living with anyone. Plus he’s not pierced, tattooed, or hair-plugged. Do you realize how rare that is south of Market Street?

MIA: Ok. Did it ever occur to you that if you dated one of my teachers, it would give the other kids license to mock me for the rest of my life?

HELEN: No, you’re right. I didn’t, and I am sorry. It’s just that Patrick is such a nice man. He is a real gentleman and I haven’t met one of those in a long, long time.

MIA: Ok. It’s fine.

HELEN: I just can’t do anything right anymore, can I?

 

Boys: Come on! Go for it! Come on, get her! In your face! Just block one, Mia!

MIA: I can’t do this. I’m a girl.

Teacher: What am I, a duck?

MIA: I mean you are an athletic girl. I am a synchronized swimming, yoga-doing, horseback-riding, wall-climbing-type girl. My hand-eye coordination is zero.

Teacher: All right, you can go again later. Josh! Get in here.

Josh: yeah, I’m in. So, I was watching you earlier and you’re way tense. You know what I’m saying? Bring it on.

 

MIA: Hey, Joe? I’m turning the back seat into a dressing room so I can change into a proper outfit for Madame. OK?

Joe: Yes, well, don’t forget your shoes.

MIA: Oh, thanks.

Joe: Strange town, San Francisco. When I purchased the pumps, they asked if I wanted them wrapped or if I wanted to wear them. All right, closing. I’ve never put on pantyhose, but it sounds dangerous.

MIA: Grandma? Is it customary in Genovia to imprison your dinner guests with Hermes scarves?

Clarisse: It’s Hermes. The scarf is merely a training tool. Eventually you will learn to sit and eat properly without it. Manners matter but enough etiquette for the day. Now, Genovia does a lot of trade with Spain so we prepare for that. The quickest way to a Spanish heart is dance.

 

Joe: Now tell me, what kind of dancing do you do?

MIA: Dancing? Just the normal kind. You know, like…

Joe: I see. We have a Genovian alternative. Now, the dances here are very sedate right from the hips. In place. No bobbing of the head, please. It’s not a doggy on a dashboard. Straight up. Let’s practice this here. Now, this dance is between a waltz and a tango, you see?

MIA: It’s a wango?

Joe: no. all right, here we go. Spin out and spin into me. Um…try again. One more spin. Very quickly, now pull away. That’s it. Good. Good attitude. Spin in. good.

MIA: I did it? Grandma, I spun without hurting anyone!

Clarisse: That’s very good news. Better. It’s coming along. Now you may go home. Thank you, Joseph.

Joe: You’re been wearing black too long.

 

Lilly: Mia! Are you ready?

MIA: On, hey. I’m really sorry but I can’t do it today. I’ve got a Grandma thing. And I‘ll call you. Bye.

Lilly: What? Has your grandma turned into the big bad wolf? Cute, Jeremiah, but a way to a girl’s heart is not by treating her like a vending machine.

 

Clarisse: You’re late.

MIA: I know. I am really sorry about it.

Clarisse: And where is Paolo?

Charlotte: Send in Paolo

Clarisse: Ah! Always prompt. Good afternoon. We’re so pleased you could make yourself available to be here. 

PAOLO:  Your Majesty.

Clarisse: We won’t waste time. Let the work begin.

PAOLO: Ah, of course. Where is the beautiful girl?

Clarisse: My granddaughter Amelia.

PAOLO: She is gorgeous. Let us take a closer look.

Clarisse: Paolo, we have a limited number of days before the state dinner.

PAOLO:  Fizzy, busy, and dizzy. In the best sense.

Clarisse: Oh, I would like it if your ladies would also sign our confidentiality agreement.

PAOLO: Majesty, they know what is a secret, eh?

Charlotte: Excuse me, Your Majesty. The Genovian press secretary’s waiting for your call.

 Clarisse: Oh, of course. Well, I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave and come back and be surprised. Charlotte, watch him like a hawk. 

PAOLO: so we begin, princess? In Paolo’s hands, remember: you will be beautiful. You have thick hair. Like a wolf. Do you wear contact lenses?

MIA: well I have them, but I don’t really like to wear them that much.

PAOLO: now you do.

MIA: you broke my glasses!

PAOLO: you broke my brush. I love your eyebrows. We’ll call them “frida” and “kahlo”. If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx that child would have your eyebrows. Do you want to know a big secret?

Woman: tell me.

Paolo: the cucumber does nothing. This is something we make up. Majesty, Paolo is exhausted because, Majesty, only Paolo can take this and this… and gives you a princess.

Clarisse: better. Much better. Why don’t we go and have a wonderful cup of tea? Come, Mia!

 

Michael: Lily, the car’s here!

Lilly: I’m coming!

Michael: thanks for the ride. Thank you.

Lilly: Michael, don’t always think you can get a ride with us. Who destroyed you?

MIA: oh. You think it looks that bad?

Lilly: you look ridiculous. You should sue.

MIA: I know it’s a little straighter and shouter

Lilly: Weirder!

Michael: An attractive weirder.

Lilly: no. It’s not attractive. What I really can’t understand you ditched me again yesterday when I needed your help on the Greenpeace petition. This bag! You have one of these bags? You know we could hock that and feed a whole Third World country? Am I right?

Joe: if there are no more passengers I think we should close the door.

Lilly: I mean you used to care more about what was inside your head instead of on it. Come on, Mia. Fess up. I don’t know where you are these days and now you’re turning into an A-crowd wannabe? You are morphing into one of them? And who knows, next week you could be waving pom-poms in my face. You sold out!

Joe: Was my rear-view mirror fogging up or was someone tearing back there?

MIA: I’m fine.

Joe: very well. Then I’ll go meet your grandmother. But you should know that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

MIA: Eleanor Roosevelt said that.

Joe: yes. Another special lady like yourself. I’ll be back at 3:00.

Lilly: she has a hat. Do you really think wearing that hat will keep people from seeing your new Lana-do? Just because the student population might be morally bankrupt doesn’t mean they’re blind.

MIA: Lilly! Just stop it, OK? Just because your hair sucks, get off mine!

Michael: Ouch. Thank you.

Lilly: Michael, can you please pretend you have a life for just one moment? What did you just say to me?

MIA: you heard me. I am so sick of you ragging on me all the time and always telling me what to do. I get enough of that from my mother and now my grandmother and I don’t need it from you!

Lilly: I’m not an idiot, so I know something’s going on you’re not telling me! Friends tell, so you know what? Here is your friendship charm. I’m taking it off and it’s going in the dirt!

MIA: don’t do that, ok? All right, just wait.

Lilly: why?

MIA: I will tell you the truth but you’re gonna think it’s really stupid and you’re gonna freak.

Lilly: try me. Shut up!

MIA: is that all you can say?

Lilly: I’m sorry I was harsh and I don’t know what else there is to say. Will you come on my cable show? 

MIA: no, I can’t. This is a royal secret. You can’t tell anyone. Not even Michael especially not Michael. You are sworn to secrecy. Secret handshake. We might have to think of a new secret handshake.

Lilly: are you really sure you can run a country? You can barely keep your goldfish alive for more than a couple of days.

MIA: Lilly, I’m really sure of anything tight now.

Lilly: listen; there are pros and cons to being a princess.

MIA: Shh! don’t say that word. People can hear.

Teacher: class has begun and I have a little surprise for you. Pop quiz. French Revolution.

Anna: Mr. o’connell, there’s a school rule that says nobody’s allowed to wear hats in class. And I don’t think anybody should be an exception to that rule, do you?

Teacher: no, Anna. Mia, I’m sorry, but hats are against the dress code.

Lana: look who’s trying to fit in now. 

It’s a wig. Right?

I think it looks really sweet, Mia. 

Looks like she got a head transplant.

Lilly: well, I think it rocks. And you know what? Voltaire. Hair. I would personally like to learn about Voltaire.

 

Clarisse: the roses are lovely. But now we need fountains lights in the trees. The Japanese Embassy has a waterfall. Why can’t we have fountains? 

Charlotte: We have a fountain up there, ma’am.

Clarisse: well, I would like at least two in here. Charlotte, just make me an Eden. Amelia? Let’s continue. In your spare time, I would like you to read these. What’s in a name?

MIA: that which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet.

Clarisse: and so you wave to them and acknowledge them gracefully. Not quite so big, because, of course it’s very exhausting after a while. Try it properly. Waving, even more gently. You say, “thank you for being here today.”

 

MIA: so this is considered art?

HELEN: My parents did this in the Sixties. Yes! They had an exhibition at Woodstock. And I guess you’re trying to bring it back?

MIA: And I guess you’re trying to bring it back?

HELEN: well, this beats homework.

MIA: yeah. Some moms help their kids with homework, we do this.

     This is more fun than princess lessons.

 

 

Michael: what are you doing this Saturday night?

MIA: are you guys playing?

Michael: we’re rehearsing some new things. We got two new songs. Plus, surprise, we got the new parts for you. Sting. We could put it together.

MIA: Ok. Is this like a date?

Michael: no. music, cars.

MIA: would it include pizza?

Michael: of course. Pizza is given.

MIA: With M&Ms?

Lilly: wait up! Wait for me! Not you! I don’t even know you!

MIA: well, then, I am in.

Michael: good. Saturday, it’s on?

MIA: what’s happening? Maybe it’s a protest. Excuse me. Hi. Who are you waiting for?

Lana: there she is right there! Mia Thermopolis! 

Man: we are waiting for you. Right here, princess.

MIA: Lilly, did you tell?

Lilly: I didn’t say anything!

Man: Princess Mia! Who’s your favorite actor?

Michael: why are they calling her” princess”?

Man: Princess Mia! What do you do about pimples? Can we quote you, your Majesty?

Miss Gupta: come on, Mia. Let’s get inside. The phone’s ringing off the hook.

O’CONNELL: Mia, your mother’s on her way.

Miss Gupta: the queen is coming to Grove High School.

Woman: a limo with flag. A Genovian limousine has arrived. The queen is getting out. Your Majesty, why all the secrets we keep hearing is “No comment.”? Do you have a comment? Will you be visiting the White House? Are you taking the princess home?

MIA: mom, I don’t know who told on me.

Clarisse: we’ll get to the bottom of this.

Paolo: majesty, it was I who told the press about you. I outed you. So to speak. I don’t mean to imply…but not for money. Princess. Paolo hates money. He spits on money. There was no money. Well, some money. After all, a man likes me. Each ring is…the point is, it was pride and ego who drove me to know that royalty would see one day the beauty was mine! The hair was mine. That I was responsible for…by the way, your hair—magnificent. The next time, we go a little lighter?

GUPTA: isn’t that just awful? Doesn’t anyone respect royalty anymore? What is it like in Genovia, your majesty? Do people just fawn over you?

Clarisse: I wonder would you give us a moment alone.

GUPTA: I am the vice-principle…

Clarisse: Joseph, would you take this fine educator and show her your security plans for Amelia’s safety?

Joe: what? Oh, of course. Your security system is a bit lax.

HELEN: a week ago, Mia was a normal little kid.

 Clarisse: She has never been normal. She was born royal. And we cope with the press ever single day and we will do it again.

HELEN: you don’t have to do this. You can get out of this whole thing right now.

Clarisse: your mother is right, Amelia. We had a bargain.

MIA: all right. I will think about it and let you know soon.

Clarisse: good. A diplomatic answer. Polite, but vague.

Man: Mia Thermopolis is the daughter of local eclectic artist HELEN Thermopolis. They currently live in a refurbished firehouse south of Market Street. Mia is also the only grandchild of Queen Clarisse Renaldi whose husband, King Rupert, passed away last year. This is nelson.

Lilly: hello? Princess? You’re the most popular girl in school. Everybody wants to take your picture. So I’ve made a list of all the reasons for you not to be a princess. Number one: no privacy, number two: you always have to look just right. Number three…

MIA: what is number three?

Lilly: number three, you can’t go nutso. You can’t be all “Bleah” during the day.

MIA: Lilly, I really don’t want to talk about this at the moment, ok?

Lilly: just one last question. Now that you’re “out”, would you come on my cable show on Saturday night?

MIA: yeah, sure.

Lilly: I love you! Ok! I’ll buy you another charm for your charm bracelet.

MIA: Joe! I don’t want to run my own country. I just want to pass 10^th grade. So can’t I just tell everyone that I simply quit?

Joe: no one can quit being who they really are not even a princess. Now, you can refuse the job but you are a princess by birth.

MIA: how can I tell if I can even do the job?

Joe: by simply, simply trying. Like the fancy dinner coming up. She thinks you are ready.

MIA: really?

Joe: shall we practice entering like a princess?

MIA: ok. Entering.

Joe: at the grand ball, you enter with the queen but at the state dinner, you enter unaccompanied. Shoulders back. Smile. They’re all happy the see you.

BARON: Ah, there she is.

BARONESS: How is she?

BARON: You are much prettier.

Joe: well done. The worst is over. Our diligent Prime Minister, Sebastian Motaz.

MIA: nice to meet you!

Joe: and his lovely wife Sheila.

MIA: nice to meet you!

Joe: and their charming daughter Marissa.

MIA: nice to meet you!

Charlotte: oh! Lord Fricker, let me take your brandy glass. You won’t need it in there. And easy on the schnapps. Remember the Winter Dinner.

Marissa: I’m not allowed to go to the party.

Joe: dinner is served.

MOTAZ: HER Majesty, Queen Clarisse.

BARON: someday we will own Genovia again and you will be queen. And your face will be on a postage stamp.

Clarisse: how were the children?

Man: would you like to see them, ma’am? There’s Ryan and Bridget.

Clarisse: oh, they are beautiful. Would you like to see?

Princess Palisades: so, Mr. Prime Minister, how would you say the pear market is doing in Genovia?

Prime Minister: The Genovian pear Markey is blossoming if you’ll pardon the pun.

MIA: you want to see me?

Clarisse: is everything all right?

MIA: um, yes, yes.

Clarisse: what’ was happening with the ice bucket?

MIA: I just had a little clumsy moment. The food is delicious, by the way.

Prime Minister: between the courses to cleanse the palate.

MIA: I am sorry. It is a little cold.

Sheila: she didn’t realize it was frozen.

Prime Minister: what should we do?

Sheila: well, we should take that much, too. Just do the same thing.

MIA: no! No! It’s cold!

Clarisse: have you ever experienced that instant headache when you eat ice too quickly?

Man: no.

Woman: wash your hands.

MIA: I’m sorry.

Man: it happens all the time.

Prime Minister: I would like to propose a toast to the Baroness and Baron Von Troken. May you always be Baron.

Man: ahh, the famous Genovian pear and cheese dessert.

Clarisse: what else?

 

MIA: sorry, I let you down, dad.

 

Clarisse: this place was such a mess when I first arrived. I’ve been spending every spare moment in it I can. Pick up one of these. Make yourself useful. Spray everything.

MIA: you’re not mad at me for what happened?

Clarisse: Actually, I found it rather funny reminds me of my first royal dinner party. I accidentally knocked over a suit of armor and the spear went right through the sucking pig. Amelia, why don’t we cancel lessons for today and just have some fun? 

MIA:  fun? You’re not too busy for something like that?

Charlotte: your Majesty, Lady Jerome has arrived and I have the French Consulate’s assistant on hold. He wants to confirm tonight’s dinner.

Clarisse: send my apology. Cancel everything for today. I’m being shown San Francisco by a true San Franciscan. Tell Joseph I’ll need the car.

Charlotte: yes, ma’am.

MIA: oh, wait! I want to show you my baby.

Clarisse: I haven’t sat in the front seat of a car in the longest time.

MIA: by the way thanks for the money for my car, Grandma.

Clarisse: so, where are you taking me?

MIA: well, do you have any change?

Clarisse: no. it’s not appropriate for royalty to jingle.

MIA: ok. I’ll get the change. Oh, this one is my favorite. You put the quarter in and grab his hand.

Clarisse: I touch that?

MIA: yes, you touch that! And then you press the button and then you just go.

Clarisse: looks like Rupert’s cousin from Liechtenstein. How do I know when it is ready?

MIA: oh, it’ll just go. There you go!

Clarisse: you enjoy this humiliation?

MIA: well, it’s hard the first time but you can do it again.

Clarisse: hold this.

MIA: oh, come on! You can do it, Grandma!

Clarisse: I’m ready for you this time!

MIA: yeah, you got it! Give me five!

Clarisse: oh, I want just one of these. Just not this one.

MIA: so…did my father always want to be a prince?

Clarisse: oh, yes. Except once, about 15 years ago he seriously considered renouncing his title because he met a lovely artist who showed him wonderful things about how life could be and how he could be.

MIA: but?

Clarisse: but he had a decision to make and nobody could make it for him. Not I, though many people thought I did, or anybody else. Phillip knew that my firstborn his brother Pierre, wanted to abdicate which he did, eventually, to join the church. Your father realized that the love he could have for one person or even two could not make him forget the love, he felt for his country and his people. It was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

MIA: do you want a bite of this?

Clarisse: why not? Well, here goes. Why, it’s delicious!

MIA: really? Let’s get another one! I know it is the fastest way back to the consulate but I hate this hill!

Clarisse: I do believe I’m beginning to feel that corn dog. Maybe you can just sneak gently through? Right, now, blaze on up.

MIA: I got it!

Nun: 911, I need to report an accident. They put me on hold, oh, for the love of god!

CONDUCTOR: you didn’t hear the bell!? Put down destruction of public property.

Policeman: I will, I will. And last but not least, driving without a license, accompanied by an adult whose license expired 45 years ago.

Clarisse: I’ve been trying to tell you, officer. Licenses don’t expire in Genovia. Not for the queen. Don’t I have diplomatic immunity?

Policeman: you do. But her we have to take downtown.

MIA: what?

Policeman: I’m sorry, miss

Clarisse: it’s all right, officer. I understand perfectly.

MIA:  you do?

Clarisse: Mia, no town, no city, no country can function peacefully if its officers and its transportation engineers don’t follow the letter of the law. Why, I would be proud to have two such fine, honorable gentlemen serving in Genovia.

Policeman: ma’am, we’re not all that.

Clarisse: oh, but you most certainly are. As a matter of fact I would like to bestow upon you the honor of the Genovian Order of the rose. Would you please kneel? Does anybody have a saber?

MIA: I have an emergency brake.

Clarisse: this will do fine, thank you. With the power vested in me by the royal crown of Genovia I dub Arthur Washington and Bruce Macintosh masters of the Order of the Rose. And all of you bear witness to this auspicious moment in history. Please rise.

Policeman: wait till I go home and tell Bernice.

Clarisse: now, Mia, I know you don’t want to go all the way downtown, but…

Policeman: that really won’t be necessary. No one got hurt, did they? Do you need a lift home?

Clarisse: oh, that would be very helpful, thank you. Come along, Mia. Good-bye, trolley people!

MIA: please take the car to Doctor Motors? You were awesome! You are the coolest queen ever!

Clarisse: all in a day’s work.

MIA: would you like to slide in first?

Clarisse: I never slide.

 

Little girl: may I have your autograph, please?

MIA: the princess is late for algebra.

Joe: the pack is back. Are you ready?

(vacancy from 01:08:00 to 01:18:11)

MIA: please say something.

Clarisse: well, there’s not much to say. A picture is worth a thousand words and you have two pictures.

MIA: I really embarrassed the family, didn’t I?

Clarisse: not to put too fine a point on it, yes, you did. I think you’re making a wise decision to abstain from the job.

MIA: I suppose I won’t come to the ball.

Clarisse: of course you should come. You’re still family. Just because you don’t want to be our princess doesn’t mean we’re sending you into exile. Your mother’s planning to come. All your guests are invited except for your beach friends. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m meeting with the press to do some damage control. You can come in now.

Joe: if I may say so that did not go very well.

Clarisse: is this the way a princess should act?

Joe: my information tells me that boy was using her. The kiss was merely a device so that he could get his 15 minutes of fame. And her friends didn’t help, either.

Clarisse: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why didn’t she have enough common sense to deal with this?

Joe: she is only 15. But today, she acted beyond her years. She showed great respect and gracefully accepted your criticism.

Clarisse: you are saying that as a queen, I was too harsh on her. I was critical of the person who could become the next ruler of my country.

Joe: no. I’m saying as a grandmother you might have been too harsh on your granddaughter.

Clarisse: do you think she can do it?

Joe: oh, I have no doubts, ma’am.

Clarisse: I thought so, too.

MIA: Lilly, can I talk to you for a minute, please? Lilly, can I just talk to you for a minute? Is that cool?

Lilly: sure. Let’s talk. But about what? About how you broke my brother’s heart or how you stuck me with Jeremiah during my cable show doing “Pick a card, pick a card.”

MIA: I’m sorry, ok? I forgot to call you and tell you that I couldn’t make it.

Lilly: so I was stuck with the Happy Houdini while you maybe out with the Yachting Yahoo. 

MIA: those are really good alliterations.

Lilly: no! I don’t want to talk about alliterations!

MIA: Lilly, I came up here to tell you that I’m sorry! Ok? I’m sorry I missed your cable show and I’m just really sorry.

Lilly: I can’t believe that you hung me up after all I did for you. I kept your royal secret. And do you know how hard it is to have a cable show and keep a secret?

MIA: you didn’t keep it a secret from me how jerky you thought my being a princess was. Well, congratulations. You got your wish. I’m not gonna be a princess.

Lilly: you’re not.

MIA: no.

Lilly: but I want you to be.

MIA: what?

Lilly: I didn’t mean it. The green monster of jealousy came out because you were Miss Popular and I thought I was losing my best friend so I got angry and upset and hurt. And I told you! I need an attitude adjustment. But the truth is you being a princess is kind of a miracle.

MIA: what? No! Miracle! It’s a nightmare.

Lilly: no! Think about it! I just found out that my cable show only reaches 12 people. Wanting to rock the world but having zip power like me. Now, that is a nightmare. But you—wow.

MIA: ok, what is so wow?

Lilly: wow is having the power to affect change make people listen. How many teenagers have that power? What more of a miracle do you want?

MIA: well, we’ll just have to find a different miracle. Not more, just different. Listen, tomorrow night is the Genovian Independence Day ball and to make up for my missing your cable show. I’m inviting you. I hope you’ll forgive me and I hope you come. 

Lilly: but what will I wear?

MIA: I don’t know, but it doesn’t really matter. I’m just happy that you’re gonna come!

Lilly: thanks. And you can be a princess.

MIA: no, I can’t.

Lilly: yes, you can.

 

MIA: it’s open, come on in. Michael, hey, how are you? 

Michael: little guy on your…

MIA: oh! Did Lilly tell you that I called?

Michael: I brought your car.

MIA: thank you. Seven times I called.

Michael: Doc said that he fixed what he could and if you have any problems, give him a call.

MIA: ok, do you want the check now? Cause I have the last payment.

Michael: yeah, thank you.

MIA: are you hungry or thirsty? Look, thank you of much for doing this for me. It’s really, really great of you.

 Michael: I didn’t do it for you. Doc lets the band practice. I help with the cars.

MIA: oh, here.

Michael: thanks.

MIA: I know you’re still mad at me for blowing you off and I’m really sorry I did. But I am going to try to make it up to you.

Michael: how?

MIA: well, I’m still going to the Genovia’s Independent Day ball and I’m inviting you. It could be fun, you know. I’m wearing this great dress that I can’t breathe in and Lilly’s got a date.

Michael: Josh looks better in a tux.

MIA: but, see, I really want you to be the one I share it with. You don’t have to wear a tux. You can wear sweatpants for all I care.

Michael: don’t worry about me. I just consider myself royally flushed.

 

Lilly: stop the bovine massacre! Sign up now and save a cow! Vegetarians have right to eat special. Make Grove School more tofu-friendly.

MIA: hello.

Lilly: hi, go sit by Jeremiah. Be there in a minute.

Lana: she’s wearing that dorky hat again.

Jeremiah: hey, you want to see a trick?

MIA: no. not right now. What are you doing? Writing a story?

Jeremiah: oh, well, my portfolio’s increased by 30% since the last quarter.

Lana: Look we have. The perfect nerd couple Jeremiah and Mia. Listen, Jere. My friends and I were wondering the sweater you’re wearing was it designed for you or did the knitting machine just blow up? It’s Jeremiah hair glare. Is one of your magic tricks your hair?

MIA: hey, Lana? That is such a cute cheerleading outfit. It’s so clean-cut. I bet it goes with anything.

Lana: of course it does! Ah! Mia, you’re such a freak!

 MIA: yeah, I am. But you know what? You know, someday I might grow out of that but you will never stop being a jerk.

Man: Lana got coned!

Lana: Mia!

MIA: toddles.

Lana: Mrs. Gupta, did you see what she did to me?

Mrs. Gupta: oh, no, honey, I’m sorry. I was in a very important meeting. Wend it out for dry cleaning.

 

Clarisse: it’s a present for your sixteenth birthday from your father. It was found among his possessions.

MIA: my birthday’s not for two weeks.

Clarisse: I know. But I wanted you to have it before we leave. I return to Genovia the day after tomorrow.

MIA: thank you. It is locked.

Clarisse: if you open the locket I gave you it becomes the key.

MIA: thank you for bringing it down here.

Clarisse: I also came to apologize for the way I spoke to you about the beach incident. It was judgmental of me. I didn’t pause to verify the facts.

MIA: that’s all right, Grandma.

Clarisse: I’ve been thinking about it a great deal and the truth is I think you’d make a very fine princess. You know, people think princess are supposed to wear tiaras marry the prince, always look pretty and live happily ever after. But it’s so much more than that. It is a real job.

MIA: you are an extraordinary person, grandma. But I don’t think I meant to do this. I would be so afraid of that I would disappoint the people of Genovia and I couldn’t bear to disappoint you again.

Clarisse: well, as I said, I have faith in you.

Mr. Robinson: I’m a writer, I write soaps—soap opera. Did you ever see “Middle House Road”?

Joe: no.

Mr. Robinson: It is a big hit. I wrote a character just like you once. He was a spy.

Joe: I’m not a spy.

Mr. Robinson: that’s what the character said.

 

MIA: I’ll see you tonight, then.

Clarisse: I do have one favor to ask. I need you to formally renounce your title for the press at the ball, you know?

MIA: make a speech? Do you think that maybe considering my history with the press it would be better if you did it?

Clarisse: Amelia, you wouldn’t stop driving your Mustang just because a couple of insects hit the windshield? Besides, look how far you’ve come and I’ll be right there with you. I’ll have Joseph pick you up at 7:00.

MIA: no, um, I promised I’d let my mom drive me. You know she wants to drive me to my first ball or something.

Clarisse: all right. I’ll see you there, then.

MIA: grandma! I am sorry.

Clarisse: oh, my dear, you are first and foremost my granddaughter. Please don’t be late.

MIA: thank you, dad, but I can’t be a princess. I don’t make speeches and I’m not Clarisse Renaldi and I just can’t do it, ok? I’m scared.

Charlotte: should you be going to get Princess Mia?

Joe: Mia told Clarisse her mother would be bringing her.

Charlotte: Helen just arrived and said Mia was waiting for you.

Joe: she’s going to run.

MIA: come on, fat lily, time to pack. Let’s get your things. Louis, what have you got there? Come on, Louis, we’re going on a trip. We’re going to Colorado where we can climb some real rocks. We are so out of here, Louie.

Dad: my dearest daughter today is your 16^th birthday. Congratulations. I present you with this diary to fill the pages with your special thoughts of your wonderful life. It is a custom in my family to pass on a wisdom one reach at his age .I pass it on to you as my father passed it on to me. Amelia, courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. From now on. You’ll be traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey. I also want you to know I loved your mother very much and still think of her often. Happy birthday, my Mia. All my love, you father. 

NELSON: and there’s Countess Puck of Austria as the glamorous continue to arrive at the Genovian Independence Ball. Despite of the threat of the big turnout includes the mayor of the San Francisco and a Genovian pear juggler. The future of Genovia is in the hands of young Mia Thermopolis. Her decision tonight will affect the queen, the court and all the people of this small but proud country.

MIA: the trip is off, Louie.

Genovian are famous for their impeccable taste in art. Also for their cheese. Maybe it is string cheese.

Man: here you go! It’s already paid for.

Michael: I didn’t order a pizza.

 

Clarisse: do we have any news on the Von Token matter?

Man: it’ll be decided tonight, ma’am.

Clarisse: I’m afraid so. 

Charlotte: there’s no answer at Princess Mia’s house and I couldn’t get Joseph on the cell phone. There’s too much static from the storm. The press is starting to complain about making their deadlines.

Clarisse: if she’s not here in 10 minutes, I’ll make the announcement.

MIA: is this punishment for driving without a licensed driver in the front seat?!

Charlotte: the press was wondering if it would be possible

Clarisse: no, no interviews until later in the evening. I would like to announce that my granddaughter has arrived with a fascinating explanation as to her wardrobe, I’m sure. Mia, would you care to say a few words?

MIA: um, yes. Thank you, your Majesty. Hello, I’m Mia. It stopped raining. I’m really no good at speechmaking. Normally I get so nervous that I faint or run away or sometimes I even get sick. But you really didn’t need to know that. But I’m not so afraid anymore. My father helped me. Earlier this evening, I had every intention of giving up my claim to the throne and my mother helped me by telling me that it was ok and by supporting me like she has for my entire life. But then I wondered how I’d feel after abdicating my role as princess of Genovia. Would I feel relieved or would I feel sad? And then I realized how many stupid times a day I use the word” I”. In fact, probably all I ever do is think about myself. And how lame is that when there are 7 billion other people on the planet…ooh, sorry. I’m going too fast. But then I thought if I cared about the other 7 billion out there instead of just me. That’s probably a much better use of my time. See, if I were princess of Genovia then my thoughts and the thoughts of people smarter than me would be much better heard and just maybe those thoughts could be turned into actions. So this morning when I woke up I was Mia Thermopolis. But now I choose to be forevermore Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi princess of Genovia.

Clarisse: this was my very first tiara. I was rather fond of it. I’m hoping you will be, too.

MIA: oh, grandma, but you had it already. How did you know I’d even be here?

Clarisse: because I recognize the same spirit in you as someone else I know.

MIA: who?

Clarisse: me.

Paolo: you bet your life, you big, tall string bean. Here. Paolo have to save the day.

Clarisse: I think perhaps we’d better get you dried off now.

 

END

 

 

Michael: 

Charlotte: 

HELEN: 

MIA: 

Clarisse: 

Joe: 

Lilly: